Unbelief can be defined as "incredulity or skepticism especially in matters regarding religious faith". A more common, simplistic definition is the "absence of faith". Faith is defined as "complete trust and confidence in something or someone". It is also said to be "the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. In relation to the definition above, unbelief would be the complete absence of trust in something or someone or incredulity or skepticism in the unseen or unknown. While that sounds confusing, the bottom line is unbelief means you don't believe or trust in something, someone, or the unseen. To push it a step further one may say you may lack hope.
In today's gospel readings Paul, formerly known as Saul had a large dose of unbelief surrounding the idea of Jesus Christ and his followers. He eventually has a blinding conversion of faith along an empty road to Damascus. Conversely, before his change in mindset, he did serious harm to the Christian movement. Paul was one of the biggest haters of Jesus and his disciples. He persecuted, arrested, and stoned those with opinions unlike his. Until Jesus stepped in and showed him the light, truth, and the way. Following Jesus's intervention, Paul's unbelief was reversed. He ended up being one of the most faith-filled disciple's Christ would every recruit. His words, beliefs, and thoughts about Jesus can still be read and reflected on today.
I can relate with Paul. I lived in ignorance for many years. I followed my own beliefs and desires, with my eyes always focused inward. I struggled with unbelief, trusting God, or even knowing who he was. Little did I know, my excessive immersion in my own issues, my own delights, my own pleasures were the precursors leading me to my own conversion. My transformation would have never been possible without landing in darkness.
It all changed when I hit my bottom. There is something to be said about hitting the rock at your bottom. There is truly nowhere left to fall. I had no hope, faith or love in self or others. I was in complete darkness. Then and only then, did I cry out to God. This is when Jesus arrived on my scene. He stepped in and transformed me. He gave me purpose, hope for tomorrow, and an infusion of faith. He performed CPR on my life and resuscitated me, giving me new life.
I'm sure I sound Cheesy and over the top but God completely transformed my life. I see many similarities between myself and St. Paul, well minus the "stoning people". I am no longer scared to tell people how good God is. How amazing his grace is. Truly, it is freeing to really not care what others think, letting my Jesus flag fly high.
This conversion hasn't happened overnight by any means. My love for Jesus and God's grace cannot be understated or said too many times. It is so much easier to articulate my love and devotion on the other side of transformation. Surrounded by God's light, far removed from the self-induced darkness. Do you suffer with unbelief? Do you lack faith? Are your eyes focused inward? Allow God to remove the scales of unbelief from your eyes. His mercy is truly transforming and his love for us endures forever.
Keep on trucking.
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