“We Are Family…I Got All My Sisters With Me”

 "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, Faithful in prayer." (Romans 12:12)

      A wise friend recently told me "we can't have faith without hope, trust without patience."  Why?  Why can't I believe in something unseen (faith) but not want or expect it (hope)? Why can't I be patient in my trials but not trust they will end soon?  I guess saying it out loud it does seem kind of ridiculous.  Hope and Faith are like peanut butter and jelly.  You can't have one without the other. Faith and Love are the big sisters to Hope.  Patience, her older brother, and her cousin, Trust, are all related and interconnected. They belong to the family of Virtues.  Why is the concept of faith, hope, love, and patience especially, in the midst of trials so hard for me to grasp?  Why is it so tough to hang onto my virtues when I am in a storm?

     More times than I can count, I wonder "what in the world is God doing"? Why get my expectations incredibly high to dash them with a big fat NO? Why show me the promise land and then immediately rip it out of my grasp? It really boils down to faith and hope mixed together, along with a side of patience and love. One can't be had without the other. The other thing, and probably most important thing to remember, is I AM NOT GOD.  I have zero clues why his plans unfold like they do. It's not my job to understand.  He reminds me constantly, in his word, my job is to TRUST HIM.

      I am to Trust that his plan is infinitely better than anything my mind can conceive. He asks for me to be joyful in hope and faithful in prayer.  He encourages me to be patient in my trials and love him always.  He wants this for me, even when I don't understand him, or what he is up to. When things are clicking along and life is grand, faith, hope, love, patience and their cousin Trust are out in full force. They are strong and easy to do.  Trusting is most challenging to do when bad stuff happens. I find when my heart is broken, I am in a storm, or darkness surrounds me, looking to this family of virtues is nearly impossible.  The farthest thing from my mind in my storm is to trust. I can't seem to call forth an ounce of it when I need it the most. 

     The readings for the last few days have been all about sitting quietly in the storm, waiting on God, trusting him even if I don't understand. So today when my heart is sad and I want to let go of the balloon of hope.  I will anchor it to my heart and wait patiently and expectantly for the Lord to act. He will do all things for the good of those who love him. Blessed is the woman who believed his promises would be fulfilled. It just has to be fulfilled in his time not my own. I need to trust and love him no matter the circumstances I find myself in. I must persevere in the faith, hope, love, trust, and patience.  To wait on him to provide, while hard, is the most rewarding.  Especially when he finally answers.  I will wait on his answer and hang out with the best family I have ever known, the family of virtues.

Keep on Trucking

Be Still and Know....No Really! Be Still!

"Be still and Know that I am God" (Psalms 46:11)

     Today's gospel reading is one of my favorites.  Jesus calming the storm for his disciples. His words to the storm...Be still. His words to his disciples…Stay calm. How great is it that I have someone with the authority to calm the storms and chaos in my life?  Someone who asks me to trust him and stay calm in the midst of the storm I find myself in. 

      In the last few days chaos has reigned free in my world.  In the hustle and bustle, I have clearly heard God telling me to "Be still & let him handle my stuff". To take my hands off my issues and give my chaos to him. He has asked me to sit calmly in his presence.  He has called me to be quiet and still. To trust him with my mess and expectantly wait on him to act on my behalf.  Why is this so hard for me to do? Have I done it?  Um, the answer would be a firm negative.

     When my storms are fierce and out of control, as they have been recently, trusting him with them is an incredible challenge for me.  I just want to control it myself.  To fix it the way I think it needs to be fixed.  Make it disappear if it's within my power to do so. Fundamentally, I understand I have no control.  God is in control, not Jennifer; however when a storm is brewing my hands are usually all over it.  I don't tell him about my storms until all my resources are exhausted.  When I am worn out, frazzled, and discouraged.  Only then does it occur to me to give my troubles to him.  I must get better at giving him my worries, troubles, and trials when they first appear.  He has the authority to clear my storms than me who has no authority. 

      Some storms in my life are brought on specifically by God.  He brings these storms for a multitude of reasons; however the most prevalent is to teach me.  He doesn't need my interference or opinion.  His only requirement is for me to stay peaceful.  To trust he will effectively speak to my storms and leave me in a tranquil sea of serenity.  He also brings storms in my life to test me.  He wants to see how long it takes me to turn to him instead of my own resources.  Unfortunately, it is usually way too long, hence, why my storms last so long.  Sometimes storms are brought into my life to build, stretch, and grow me for something God has planned for me.  I must traverse the stormy waters, in the here and now, to gain the experience and authority to witness God's power for some future event.  No matter why the storm appears in my life, the most important lesson I am learning is to call out to God first.  The sooner I call out to him, the sooner I am delivered into calm waters.

 

             One year ago, on this day, I was embarking on my first church retreat. I didn't know what to expect.  I was a nervous wreck, uncomfortable, and filled with fear.  Once the weekend came to an end, I was filled with excitement.  My relationship with God caught fire and is burning more brightly than ever today. I was able to share my witness to a group of ladies, who loved and supported me.  The retreat became a vehicle for me to spread God's "good news" to a new group of women from my parish.  It also gave me sisters in Christ to rely on, and share my experiences with.  It also made mass feel like home.  Where I used to show up and leave, I now have a bevel of woman to socialize with.  God truly did renew my faith on that January day. 

      Today the ladies, we shared our lives with, are holding their very own retreat for a whole new batch of women.  These woman, so very much like I was a year ago, are seeking to grow closer to God. A lot has happened in this year but it is not coincidence that today's readings were about "Being Still". "Be Still and Know I am God" was the theme for our retreat.  It is a great reminder that I am not in control.  That I must trust Jesus to fight my battles and calm my storms.   It also reminds me to never forget he is right beside me.  He loves me, even in my craziest and unbalanced moments. He will never stop loving me.  Every storm, I embark on with him, transforms me more completely into the person I need to be to fulfill his will. I thank God for my moments of stillness. Be still today. Let God work in and around you and wait expectantly for his amazing grace.

 

 Keep on trucking.

Throw Your Seeds and Watch GOD Make Them Grow

"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it" (John 1:5)

 

       The reflections today focused on parables and seeds. Biblical stories are chocked full of stories about planting/growing seeds, bearing fruits, and reaping the harvest.  Those tiny seeds that grow into strong, sturdy trees and the fruit that hangs from the branches. The mustard seed is the tiniest of seeds yet when planted to maturity will become an enormous tree.  This tree grows so large, birds are able to build their homes in them and find their sustenance from the leaves.  This same tree can also offer solace on hot days by providing shade.  To receive any benefit from these sturdy trees; however, they must first be planted and grown.   

 

       In the gospel, Jesus refers to planting seeds and watching them grow to maturity. Seeds have the inability to change into something greater unless they are planted in the ground, watered, and nurtured.  Just like seeds, I myself can't change without the power of the Holy Spirit.  The Holy Spirit that God gives freely and has planted firmly in me has watered, nurtured, and transformed me into something much greater than a tiny seed.

      While pondering my life and the seeds I have had planted, I had an epiphany of sorts.  I realized I was once a mustard seed with the tiniest flicker of belief.  Through God's watering, nurturing, and guidance he has planted me. He shined his light in my darkness. By the people he has put into my life.  The circumstances he has allowed me to survive. With his transforming grace and mercy.  All of these factors have contributed to my growth. I am currently a small shrub but that's okay…I am still growing.  God's not done with me yet and I am still striving to become the sturdy, strong tree who provides others nourishment and comfort and bears great fruit.

 

     God has planted me, watered me and nurtured me. He shined his light in my life.  He now wants to use me to spread his "good news" to others.  He wants me to now be the light for someone else.  How can I not pass my incredible story of transformation on to individuals that struggle as I did?  Why would I not share my fruits with people who are still just seedlings?  It is my turn to be the planter, waterer, and nurturer.  I am asked to now be the light in someone else's darkness. 

     God's design is truly amazing.  He takes a wreck like me, transforms me and puts me in the ground to grow. He shines his light into my darkness. He watches out for me, waters me, and fills me with hope.  He gives me a new life and the necessary tools I need to bear fruit for others. God uses sinners and "wrecks" to spread his seeds of life. You never know when that seed will sprout. I never know what seed will take root and which seed will fall away.  God's plan are way bigger than ours. It's not our job to know when the seeds will sprout.  It is our jobs as disciples to spread them.

 

      I encourage each of you to spread the seeds God has given you. Be the light in someone's darkness. Trust that any seeds you lay will be fertilized and nurtured by God for his kingdom.  Be obedient.  Spread his seeds of love, hope, peace, and joy. His light will always shine in the darkness and there is nothing the darkness can do to prevent it!

 

Keep on trucking

Who You Gonna Call? Jesus Christ the Only Buster That Counts!

"The Lord's mercy is strong for us; His faithfulness endures forever." (Psalms 117:2)

 

        

Unbelief can be defined as "incredulity or skepticism especially in matters regarding religious faith". A more common, simplistic definition is the "absence of faith". Faith is defined as "complete trust and confidence in something or someone". It is also said to be "the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. In relation to the definition above, unbelief would be the complete absence of trust in something or someone or incredulity or skepticism in the unseen or unknown. While that sounds confusing, the bottom line is unbelief means you don't believe or trust in something, someone, or the unseen. To push it a step further one may say you may lack hope.  

        In today's gospel readings Paul, formerly known as Saul had a large dose of unbelief surrounding the idea of Jesus Christ and his followers. He eventually has a blinding conversion of faith along an empty road to Damascus. Conversely, before his change in mindset, he did serious harm to the Christian movement. Paul was one of the biggest haters of Jesus and his disciples. He persecuted, arrested, and stoned those with opinions unlike his. Until Jesus stepped in and showed him the light, truth, and the way. Following Jesus's intervention, Paul's unbelief was reversed. He ended up being one of the most faith-filled disciple's Christ would every recruit. His words, beliefs, and thoughts about Jesus can still be read and reflected on today.


       I can relate with Paul. I lived in ignorance for many years. I followed my own beliefs and desires, with my eyes always focused inward. I struggled with unbelief, trusting God, or even knowing who he was. Little did I know, my excessive immersion in my own issues, my own delights, my own pleasures were the precursors leading me to my own conversion. My transformation would have never been possible without landing in darkness.


        It all changed when I hit my bottom. There is something to be said about hitting the rock at your bottom. There is truly nowhere left to fall. I had no hope, faith or love in self or others. I was in complete darkness. Then and only then, did I cry out to God. This is when Jesus arrived on my scene. He stepped in and transformed me. He gave me purpose, hope for tomorrow, and an infusion of faith. He performed CPR on my life and resuscitated me, giving me new life.

         I'm sure I sound Cheesy and over the top but God completely transformed my life. I see many similarities between myself and St. Paul, well minus the "stoning people". I am no longer scared to tell people how good God is. How amazing his grace is. Truly, it is freeing to really not care what others think, letting my Jesus flag fly high.


        This conversion hasn't happened overnight by any means. My love for Jesus and God's grace cannot be understated or said too many times. It is so much easier to articulate my love and devotion on the other side of transformation. Surrounded by God's light, far removed from the self-induced darkness. Do you suffer with unbelief? Do you lack faith? Are your eyes focused inward? Allow God to remove the scales of unbelief from your eyes. His mercy is truly transforming and his love for us endures forever.





Keep on trucking.

NO, NOT YET, NOW HOW I WANT IT!

"For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, plans for your welfare and not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope" (Jeremiah29:11)

 Acceptance of the things I cannot change. Trusting God's plan and not my own.  Accepting God's NO, NOT YET, or NOT HOW YOU WANT IT.  These were all topics in the reflections today.  Acceptance is defined as the act of assenting or believing. In the readings, King David had a dream to create a beautiful resting place for God.  His dream detailed a grand palace, in the form of a cedar box, to house God in.  While his determination and intentions were noble, God had a different and better plan in store for David and his decedents. He gently made David accept that it wasn't the right time for his dream.

 I pondered this and thought of my own life and my dreams.  Dreams that I have brought to God in petition.  The desires on my heart that I persistently ask him to give me.  The numerous times I have sought his mercy and goodness, asking him, to grant me my requests only to be told NO, NOT YET, NOT HOW YOU WANT IT. What I must remember is just because I ask doesn't always mean I will receive my desire at all, in the time I want it, or how I think it should be given.  Furthermore, when God does speak, no matter what response I get, my soul must be willing to ACCEPT his answer.

There will be and have been times when I am told NO to my requests. There are also times when I will be and have been told NOT YET.  When I must patiently wait on God to give me the desires of my heart in his time and not my own. There will also be and have been times in my life, where God grants my request, but it looks nothing like HOW I WANT IT, or imagined it would be.   

The good news is God has a special plan for each of my dreams, requests, petitions and heart's desires.  When they unfold, regardless of his answer, I can be sure it will be better than anything I could imagine or hope for. While I am "Waiting on God's" response, I need acceptance to his plan not my own. To be okay with what he is providing and trust that he will give me everything good thing according to his purpose.

 I must find my joy in the NO, NOT YET, NOT HOW I WANT.   I don't know why it is so difficult to accept his plan for me?  He will always out do anything I can come up with for myself. He already knows all the plans he has for me. Heck, most of the time, I limit God by my small human scope.  He knows my past, he knows my present, and he certainly is the designer of my future.  He is the sovereign, not me, yet I will certainly tell him how to do his job most days.  Expecting him to do my bidding instead of the other way around.  When he doesn't cooperate the way I want him to, I get frustrated, discouraged, angry, and sad.  Wouldn't it be much easier to avoid all those feelings and just accept he knows more than I do and always will?  His plan will always be the Rodeo Drive to my backwoods country roads.   

How do I find acceptance in things and sometimes even people I can't change? The easy and, I guess, hard answer is by turning my dreams, wants, desires, and worries over completely to God and trusting he will work it out according to his will and the good of all those who love him. It is sometimes the hardest thing to do but speaking from experience also the most rewarding. What desires have you given to God? Have you received the NO, NOT YET, NOT HOW I WANT answer?  Ask him for the courage of acceptance. Ask him to increase your trust.  Your peace will be plentiful when you give it to him.

Keep on trucking

Give Me A Heart Like David

"Yet when you seek the LORD, your God, from there, you shall indeed find him if you search after him with all your heart and soul" (Deuteronomy4:29)

 Searching for God with all my heart and soul. Seeking him in every situation I face, good, bad, or indifferent. This was the reflection thoughts for the day.  Why was King David so beloved by God? He was always making mistakes.  He was a sinner in the worst way.  He continually messed up following his own desires instead of God's.

I believe the reason God loved him so abundantly is because despite all his trials, errors in thinking and sins committed, he constantly sought God with all his heart. He trusted God to defeat his enemies when the popular opinion was to flee.  He was convinced God would give him victory over Goliath, a huge Giant, when everyone else thought he was good as dead. When he screwed up, he immediately looked to God for his thoughts on the matter.  When he became aware of his terrible decisions and sin, he was humble enough to understand his errors, ask God for forgiveness and change his behaviors. He praised God and danced in the streets so all could see God's amazing grace and mercy. He wasn't afraid to let his relationship with God be known even if it wasn't the most political or safest way to live.

 I can relate with King David. I make mistakes daily but I love my God. I seek his direction and hope to have the humility of David to stand corrected when I mess up and have the perseverance and fortitude to get back on track with God's will for my life. I pray to have the same bravery and trust David had in God's defeating of his enemies.  I want to be as courageous as him in expressing my joy and happiness with how great and wonderful God is.  I want to shout from the roof tops and dance in the streets.  I want anyone and everyone to know just how powerful and almighty God is.  How mighty he has been in my storms and trials. 

How wonderful is our God that he Loves us no matter how crazy, insane, and messed up we are. He wants nothing more than to come into our lives where we are.  He delights in us and he craves a relationship. His promises are forever. Knowing God will never abandon me and views me as his daughter is the best promise of all. That God will never leave me alone or forsake me. That he will hold my right hand at all times.  He will do this when I'm acting like a fool, blinded by sin. He will stay by me when I am throwing a bratty fit when I don't get my way. He will gleefully look down on me when I am dancing in the streets to show my love of him. I guess what I realized in my reflections is I am his beloved too, just like King David.

When you read this reflection stop and thank God for never leaving your side. Thank him for always being there to guide and love you. Ask him to give you a heart like David.  Ask to be his beloved.  Let me let you in on a little secret...you already are!

 Keep on trucking. 

Flick the Devil Off Your Shoulder...He Will Flee From You!

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart do not lean on your own understanding." (Proverbs 3: 5-6).

 I have come to learn only God can make my paths straight. These past few weeks have brought with it a complete writers block. Normally I read the words and reflections and can just drop line after line.  Yet lately I find myself struggling to come up w even one cohesive thought. I'm not sure why I am having this issue but I trust the Lord God is leading and building me for something better. I will lean not on my own understanding. His purposes and ways are higher and more sovereign than mine will ever be. That is what his word says, so therefore, I will believe it even if I feel totally inadequate.

 So many doubts creep in my head like..."who am I to think I can motivate others"? "Why would they care what I have to say?  My writing makes no sense, and has too many typos."  "They probably think I am a complete idiot". "What's the point, these messages are probably not being read by anyone anyway." I start questioning my God given directive.  If I continue on with that way of thinking, before too long, I lose focus, direction, and hope. I could easily become discouraged and quit all together

Gratefully I recognize when these thoughts come to me, they are not from God. I am being attacked by the enemy, the devil, the evil one, Satan, whatever moniker you want to call him.  He is threatened by my obedience to God but he only has one play in his play book.  He wants to plague me with lies, in the hope I will succumb to his deception. BUT not today Satan…Not today.  Your lies are not welcome in my ear.  I flick you with the mighty word of God and with the reminder that you have already lost the war. Get thee behind me with your lies and evil ways.

My messages of encouragement are doing great work for God's kingdom.  I know this because I am told daily by those that read them how important they are to them. As well as, how often the enemy tries to attack me.  God has graced me with the ability to motivate and encourage.  He has equipped me with the energy and desire to reach out to others.  With the help of the Holy Spirit, he uses my obedience to help and boost others.  I must persevere. I must press on.  I must believe and trust God's purpose over my own insecurities and puny thinking.

As a frail human self-doubt and insecurities are common. I'm grateful I have a God that loves and speaks to me through his word.  He tells me to persevere and to keep on trucking. Keep doing his work even if it's hard or doesn't make sense. So I will do as he instructs.  I will post my messages, ignoring how they or I will be received.  I will focus on being obedient to him even when I feel inadequate and uncomfortable with what he asks me to do.  Despite my insecurities I will persist in prayer.  I pray God fixes my writers block.  I also pray my daily messages reach the ears they are supposed to, as well as, recharges and renews those that read them. May joy, peace, and love be yours with God's amazing graces.

 Keep on trucking. 

Thy Will Be Done...Not Mine!

"But the one who peers into the perfect law^* of freedom and perseveres, and is not a hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, such a one shall be blessed in what he does" James 1:25

In the dark or the light, God loves you no matter what.  Today's message reflected on the question….What is God asking you to abandon to follow him more closely? It went further in saying all good things in our lives are only good if they help us and lead us to love God more. Are the things in my life leading me closer or further from God? Do I know when I am acting outside of God's will for me?

Yes, I know the times in my life when I'm acting outside of God's direction. Sometimes it is small things, like sleeping in when I really need to get up. Or bigger when I don't do what my soul is calling me to do; instead I staying lazy in procrastination. Doing things that are unhealthy and hurt my body. All of the above mentioned things act outside of God's will for me and when I do it I can feel it to my inner core.  "My soul feels crunchy" is a catch phrase I use often to describe my discontent from my willful disobedience.

I can hear God telling me "you won't get to where you need to be if you keep holding on to this". It is not easy to live right, eat right, act right and do all God is calling me to do.  It is uncomfortable, painful, and not always peachy staying aligned with God's will.  Sometimes it's much easier to just be lazy and live in sin.

God has so much more for me if I can just abandon the bad things (disobedience) and look to him for grace, forgiveness, and peace. Traditionally, even when what he calls me to do is hard, the outcome is always something that makes me grow, stretching me to be better than I was.  Furthermore, the results are always much better than I could conceive.  He will always give me MORE than my imagination could come up with. 

What is he asking you to abandon today to draw closer to his will?  Is it the trashy romance novel, binge watching Netflix, scrolling through Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or maybe constantly watching CNN/Fox news?  Whatever your disobedience do it despite your wants.  Embrace his requests with joyful gladness because he will restore and transform along the way.  When you look back you won't recognize the old you.

Keep on trucking. 

A Sweet Friendship Refreshes the Soul

"and let us consider how to spur one another on towards love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near" Hebrews 10:24-25

 Jesus has called you by name...will you answer? The readings talked about when Jesus selected his 12 disciples to help him in his ministry. He had been in public service for just 3 years and was overwhelmed with the crowds that sought him. Instead of doing things by himself and isolating, he surrounded himself by good people with like minds that could help carry his load. In reflection, I have also had good people to help ease the burdens of my journey. I'm grateful to all those in my life that have led me closer to God and cheered me on when I couldn't take another step forward. I love that I have people I can go to in times of need and when I want to laugh, cry, or vent my frustrations. God didn't mean for us to be solitary. He created us to love others and share our lives, just as Jesus did in today's readings. So today I want to thank each of you who read my messages day in and day out. Who text me and encourage me to keep going when I really just want to quit, who let me bend their ears when I am seeking answers, when I am sad, and when I am whining. I thank God that he put so many unique ladies in my life to lead me to my purpose. Who do you have in your life that shares your burdens? Laughs with you? Counsels you? Thank them and God today for their support, love, and encouragement. We are truly blessed in every way.

Keep on trucking. 

Future Events Appearing Real

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you.  I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10).

Trust God and do not fear. That is what I read in the reflections today; however when fears are abounding it is really hard to trust God with them.  To believe his promises, to know he wants what is best for me.  I have heard that fear is an acronym for… future events appearing real.  They haven't happened yet, heck they may never happen; but I still can be paralyzed by them.  The definition of fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous to you and will likely cause pain or a threat to your life. The key word in that definition is LIKELY…not HAS…but may or is likely to cause.

I have lots of fears, death of me, a loved one, sickness of me or someone I hold dear, destruction of life,/war, that people won't like me, that I will be fired, that I will cause my death by living unhealthy, that I will slip back into dark times/compulsions and my husband will divorce me. I have so many fears I'm amazed I can get out of the bed at all, much less function at any basic level. The thing I know most about God is, he did not create us humans to be independent creatures. He allows fear so that we will turn our worries, anxieties, and fears to him. When we trust him with our lives and look to him to lead us, he gives us graces and provides peace beyond understanding which will hold our fears at bay

The other thing to remember is the enemy, the Devil, Satan, the Dark one, whatever moniker you assign him, has 3 main plays in his play book.  To Lie, To Steal, to cause discord and he will do this wherever he thinks he can to keep you from God.  He doesn't need to be creative because the 3 plays he does have works over and over again.  What I must remember though is that the enemy has already lost the war, he was defeated with a death on a cross…he may win a few battles here and there but MY GOD is much bigger than him.  So when I have fears coming straight from the Devil, I must immediately give them to MY GOD who will remind me that the enemy has no power over me or his people. 

Sometimes in the middle of a really dark and terrifying life storm it can be hard to trust him but this is when I should trust him the most. When I am weary and burdened with life's trials I should reach out to God and seek what only he can provide me...love, peace, and serenity.

What are your fears today? Have you given them to God? If not I encourage you to trust him with your fears. Let him have your anxieties and he will make a path for you.  He will wrap you in his mighty grip.  He will never let go of holding your right hand. He will never let you go. Hold on…God will get you through it.  Give your fears/anxieties/worries to him.

            Keep on trucking. 

It is Time to Clean my Plate!

"Just as the Lord has forgiven you, you should forgive" (Colossians 3:13). 

God doesn't look at  appearances and deeds he looks at your heart. I have always loved this promise. When I am down on the way I look or how I feel about myself I remember God knows my heart and my intentions and is well pleased. Although there are sometimes my heart is like that dangerous, dark, neighborhood no one should drive in alone, I seek him and ask for him to remove the darkness and he provides me with his light. One thing I have struggled with in this life is unforgiveness. So much so that sometimes I don't even realize I have it in my heart until God slaps me over the head and reveals it to me. I saw two really good sayings recently..."if the past is quarreling with your present there can be no future" & "Unforgiveness is like eating off a dish we never wash. We keep choking on the thing that happened ages ago. Because we didn't deal with it rightly at the time. How powerful is that? If I'm holding on to unforgiveness of others or even myself from my past actions in today it WILL affect my future.  Just like me eating off the dirty dish over and over again.  I keep choking on what was left on the plate from before instead of washing it when I should have. I must let go of bitterness, unrest in my soul, sadness, anger, and fear. If God can forgive me, why can't I so easily forgive others…why can't I forgive myself?  It is the only way I am able to move forward in God's plan and purpose. Why would he reveal his plans to me when my heart is unclean? Today I surrender all of my resentments, my bitterness towards others, and my deepest and darkest fears to God who will be infinitely more understanding with me than I will ever be with myself. What are you holding on to that needs to be let go? Give it to God and don't take it back. Let's leave the past in the past, take back our present and look forward to a blessed future that only God can give us.

Keep on trucking. 

See What Happen Was...

"Why then have you disobeyed the LORD? You have pounced on the spoil, thus doing what was evil in the LORD's sight." Saul explained to Samuel: "I did indeed obey the LORD and fulfill the mission on which the LORD sent me. I have brought back Agag, the king of Amalek, and, carrying out the ban, I have destroyed the Amalekites. But from the spoil the army took sheep and oxen, the best of what had been banned, to sacrifice to the LORD your God in Gilgal." But Samuel said: "Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obedience to the LORD's command?" (1Samuel 15:19-22)

 Denial and rationalization that was the reflection I read this morning. Wow, do I know how to do those with perfection. I read about King Saul today and how he was given instructions by God but missed the entire objective, purpose, and point. Instead of admitting his weakness and failure when confronted by the prophet Samuel, he instead denied, rationalized, and argued why his behavior was the right way. I do this all the time but most especially when dealing with my weight and health. I will justify, rationalize, deny and even lie to myself. If it makes me look better in the eyes of others I will put my "face" on, but how do I look in the eyes of God when I am being purposely disobedient. Do I think I'm fooling God? The God who never changes and knows my moves before I do them. Who am I to think I can stay a step or two in front of him. And even if I could why would I want to. God has so much more for me than I can conceive and all he asks of me is my obedience when he calls me to service. This shouldn't be hard right? Well unfortunately for me, most times, when he gives me an assignment the tasks he assigns me are uncomfortable and require diligent effort. I'm lazy by nature and sometimes just want to do the bare minimum.   By giving into my character defects I miss out on my full blessing he wants to give me. Do you deny and rationalize like me? Let's start today sisters and try to have a more obedient heart and mind. And when we do a task for God let us do it fully with love, joy, and complete abandon. May God bless each of you today with peace, an obedient heart, and his amazing Grace.

Keep on trucking. 

The Lord's Servant...I'm Listening, Well kind of.

"Speak, LORD, for your servant is listening. "When Samuel went to sleep in his place, the LORD came and revealed his presence, calling out as before, "Samuel, Samuel! "Samuel answered, "Speak, for your servant is listening." (1 Samuel 3: 9-10). 

Responding to God's voice and immediately offering yourself as a servant to the Lord is one of the reflection readings today. This whole week has been the same theme...hearing God's voice, saying yes to his call, doing his will. While reflecting on what Samuel must have been thinking when God called him, I can think of one specific instance where I heard God calling me into service and I continuously ignored, explained away, or flat out refused. Nursing, that is where he was calling me. The first time I heard the call was at 16, then again at 20, AND again at 23, and then at 29 years of age, 13 years after he first called me to consider nursing did I listen. I had a hosts of excuses and reasons why that did not align w what I wanted, I being the operative word.  However as soon as I got out of his way, he opened door after door, so many doors no human mind could explain away. All of the blessings falling upon my head to help me realize his and I guess, to a lesser extent, my dream. Why can't I be more like Mary, mother of Jesus, who when called said "May what you said be done to me", or Samuel who once he finally recognized God's voice said "I am your servant lead me where you want me". Why Must I kick, scream, and ignore him before I relinquish control of my life. I think for me it fundamentally comes down to my level of trust in him. The only ways I have seen faith increased in my life have been in hindsight and usually after a major temper tantrum with God.  When I have been silent and seek him I hear him more clearly, see more plainly where he is leading me.  When I diligently carry out what he is asking me to do the first time he asks without argument, well I am still working towards that…"Hey, I am a work in progress". What I do know is the less resistance I give him, the more blessing I receive.  Once I become a willing, servant of the Lord, he will increase my faith, responsibility, and will heap upon me more favor than I deserve in a lifetime.  How about you? Are you training your ears to hear God's call? Are you prepared to answer the first time when he comes a calling? Leave the temper tantrums, and arguments out of your conversations with God and watch where he takes you.   

Keep on trucking. 

Trust God! Follow the Donkeys.

"For we walk by faith, not sight" (2^nd Corinthian 5:7)

Today's first reading really made me pause. It's the story of King Saul before he became King. His father sent him out on a menial task looking for donkeys. He didn't want to do it, I am sure he grumbled and complained and he certainly lost hope along the way. But then his faithful servant led him to his destiny, to the prophet Samuel and his ultimate destiny of becoming anointed Israel's first king. What I found interesting is Saul had no idea he was about to be king. He was from the smallest tribe and most inadequate family in the tribe. He was going about his business following, albeit grudgingly, his father's orders and his destiny met him on the road. I give this synopsis because it is remarkable how God still does this. I chased donkeys for years going from task to task without real purpose in my life until I was broken and found myself shrouded in darkness. God was certainly absent from my life, not because he left me, but because I left him. Clearly in my case, once I cried out to him, he stepped in and the passion he put on my heart was nursing; however like Saul I had many doubts and fears of inadequacy. But God put people in my life at the right time to lead me to my vocation. This is what he does, someone is gingerly going through life and then through what seems an innocuous task, or challenge he will lead the person right where they need to be. God is amazing, infinite, and has far more knowledge than you and I. I think our responsibility is to stay faithful and be ready to do what is called of us. Unfortunately for me that can be really hard. What donkeys have you chased that led you to where you are today. Look back on them and thank God.

 Keep on trucking

Stop putting God in a box!

A generation whose heart was not constant and whose spirit was not faithful to God" (Psalms78:8). 

 "Limiting or rejecting God. Hmm...when I read the readings today I kinda of shook my head and said "that's not me" I love God I don't reject him and I certainly wouldn't intentionally limit him. He is the limitless God but when I reflected more deeply I realize I limit and reject him every single day. I reject him when I know clearly what he wants me to do but ignore or do things my own way. I limit him when I manipulate or control situations and get in his way for my blessings. Yep, I do this all the time. I don't know that I can honestly say "my faith is as big as my God"; in fact, I would say my faith isn't anywhere close to being the same size as my God. I will pray half-hearted prayers, holding back asking what I really want because in my heart my faith isn't big enough to believe he can achieve it. Which is preposterous when looking at how he has transformed and claimed my life for his work. Until I really reflected, I don't think I realized how often I limit and reject His plan. I wonder…How do I increase my faith? How do I expand my hope? I believe it starts with love. Keeping love in my heart instead of hate, forgiving people instead of holding grudges, loving others in their messes and not judging or looking down on them. If I could get better at this maybe I wouldn't limit God in my prayers maybe I would pray boldly and ask for the moon confident he will provide me with whatever I ask him for. Where are you in this subject? Do you limit or reject God by your unbelief, inaction, manipulation, or lack of faith. Let us start today by increasing our faith and devotion and leaving the past hurts, regrets and all other things of this world in the past where it belongs. May God bless each of us today and help us to boldly ask God for what we want and allow us the awareness for when we are limiting him in our unbelief and lack of faith

  Keep on trucking